“Haven’t I seen you before?” (“Nice ass.”)

“I’m a Romantic.” (“I’m poor.”)

“I need you” (“My hand is tired.”)

“I want a commitment.” (“I’m sick of masturbation.”)

“You’re the only girl I’ve ever cared about” (“You are the only girl who hasn’t rejected me.”)

“I really want to get to know you better.” (“So I can tell my friends about it.”)

“I don’t know if I like her” (“She won’t sleep with me.”)

“I miss you so much” (“I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good.”)

“Do you love me?” (“I’ve done something stupid and you might find out.”)

“Do you ‘really’ love me?” (“I’ve done something stupid and you’re going to find out sooner or later”)

“How much do you love me?” (“I’ve done something really stupid and someone’s on their way to tell you by now.”)

“I’ll give you a call.” (“I’d rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again”)

“I’ve been thinking a lot.” (“You’re not as attractive as when I was drunk.”)

“I think we should just be friends.” (“You’re ugly.”)

“I’ve learned a lot from you.” (“Next!!!!”)